RASHMI KRISHNAN is a retired officer of the Govt. of India, and has been known for her open and helpful attitude in the Administration, while she was serving.
She is also a poet and writer who likes to write about the joy and pain of human experience. She is a follower of Paramhansa Yogananda and Swami Kriyananda through Ananda Sangha.
She lives in Delhi and now devotes herself to spiritual pursuits, which include study of scriptures, writing, and teaching. She believes in experimenting with spiritual principles and inspires people to do so. She generally looks after the Healing prayers group of Ananda Sangha and conducts workshops on healing, abundance, and other topics. Her blog can be visited at www.rashmisjustsharing.com
Learning to stand on your own two feet
As we go through life, busy navigating our experiences, every part of our mental, physical, emotional personality totally involved in what we’re going through, there are these repeated ups and downs, rude bumps, heartbreaks, moments of happiness and excitement and so on, ad infinitum.
Often a close friend, or someone whose opinion we value, will tell us, “Oh no! You’re all wrong, you just don’t know how to handle anything”. Or about something you are very keen on doing or achieving, they might say, “That’s totally pointless, why do you want that at all?”
There are very few people and very few occasions that make us feel good and right about ourselves.
However, despite getting hurt through these friends and well-wishers, we feel that they somehow know more than us, and their opinion or advice is right to go by. Most of the time, it doesn’t occur to us to question, do they have the same data we have? Have they put in as much consideration into the pros and cons, as we have? Are they aware of the personal needs and compulsions we have? Are they aware also of the capabilities we have?
I would agree that gathering information and advice is a sensible way of arriving at a course of action but, when seeking validation become a compulsion, we’re in deep danger, because without such validation, we find we simply cannot move forward, and we are lost.
Does that really put us in a safe spot?
I’m afraid, it doesn’t.
Whatever action we may take, whatever opinion we may hold, the uncertainty about its virtue or disadvantage continues to bother us deep down inside. “Am I doing the right thing?” is the incessant refrain.
As time passes, we tend to seek validation all the time. In the process, we pass on control of our lives to an amorphous, uncertain set of people, who are probably as confused about themselves, as we are about ourselves.
When external appreciation becomes necessary to our nature, we find ourselves less and less confident about what we really want. What is it that would make us truly happy inside. We develop a disconnect with ourselves. Everything we do and think becomes a reflection of the opinions of the people around us.
In the process of getting to this point, we have lost connection with our own inner self.
We no longer know what we really want, what would make us happy, what we are truly capable of.
Life assumes the quality of a meandering stream….without any direction, meaningless, purposeless, unless someone else suggests to us what is ‘good’ for us.
However, there is always a spark of innate wisdom and spirit which wakes up within you one day, and you start feeling, you want to regain control of your affairs, and to cultivate a meaningful relationship with yourself.
The good news is, it is possible. Perhaps easier than you think.
Let’s start with ourselves-
*Identify your strengths and learn to use them.
*Identify also your weaknesses and work to overcome or convert them into strengths.
*Try and recall something you did despite the caution of peers and seniors, and there was no problem that arose. It follows that sometimes, overcaution can be put aside, and it doesn’t hurt too much.
*Can you recall an incident where you used your ‘gut instinct’ because there was no one to advise or guide you, and you achieved success though you weren’t really sure you could? If yes, that means you’re capable of the right kind of ‘gut instinct’.
Having done that, you could start trusting yourself -first in small matters and then in larger issues as well.
Like a muscle, self-reliance and the ability to take the right decisions grows as we exercise ourselves in that direction.
One has to consciously cultivate an attitude of self-assurance and faith in oneself. Never underrate yourself, and don’t tell yourself there’s something you can’t do. With conscious learning, even think your capacities are limited.
The truth is, your capacities follow your thought. Think you are empowered, dream and let the energy flow. Then manifesting becomes a real possibility.
The right way to live is, neither jump into anything blindly, nor be so overwhelmed with fear and doubt, that you are paralysed.
A little faith, a little courage, a little calculation as to risks, a strong will to move forward, and life starts unfolding the way you want it to.
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